That doesn’t really make much sense. Oh well. I’ve kind of noticed I have an awful habit. I say I don’t like things me I really don’t like them but then I end up trying it out and it turns out I like it. Who would have thought trying new things could actually be a good thing?!?!?! First I did it with leggings. I couldn’t stand them and now those are the only pants I wear besides work pants. If I’m not wearing those I’m either in shorts/skirts/dresses/tights. I also have done this with ugg shoes. To be honest I still don’t think they are the nicest looking shoes, but they are so comfortable I really don’t care. Today I bought the third thing which made me realize I have a habit of doing this. High waisted shorts. They go above my belly button. They actually look really cute on me. Now I want some cute crop tops to wear with them and those are another thing that I have always kind of hated.
I this as I get older I am definitely willing to be more out there with trying things that I don’t totally like but I’ll do it anyways just to see what it’s like. I might end up changing my mind about it and liking it. If other people don’t like what I’m wearing oh well. It’s just clothes.
I’m not sure why but sometimes I think that if I eat I’m going to get fat. I know it’s bad to not eat but I think and wonder and wish I could just skip a meal.
Saturday night I went to a military ball with my boyfriend. After we left we were driving home and he said he was hungry and asked me if I was hungry. He asked me a few times. The first few times I said I was ok. Then I finally told him I was a little hungry but I don’t want to get fat. He told me I wouldn’t get fat and that it isn’t good to skip meals. I know it’s not good but I still feel like I shouldn’t eat.
I’ve never skipped meals before but I can kind of see how some people end up doing it. I really hate how it seems like everyone I know in really life and everyone on the internet always talks about losing weight. I’m already skinny. I don’t need to get skinnier. The only thing I should be doing is eating healthy and exercising and staying the same size but getting more muscle. It’s hard to here people talk about losing weight and not feel like I have to also.
I’m not sure if I’ve written something like this already but if I have oh well I’m doing it again.
I haven’t felt like running on the treadmill in a while and the elliptical needs batteries so last week I decided walking on the treadmill would be better then nothing. I start at a speed of 1mph. Then every 30 seconds I go up .5mph more until I reach 3mph and that is the speed I stay at. Every minute I go up .5% incline until I reach 10%. Then I go back down every minute. I do that for as long as I feel like it. I don’t set myself I certain time limit. I just do it however long and I feel like I got a good workout when I finish. It’s kind of nice.
Sometimes I get nervous. A lot of times I’m uncomfortable. I tend to freak out over things that to most people they aren’t worth freaking out about. My boyfriend usually has to calm me down and try to help me see that things are fine and I don’t need to freak out.
Last night he wasn’t able to help me. I don’t know what happened but I started feeling really anxious and my heart was beating a million times a minute and I couldn’t sit still and I felt out of breath. I was doing that heavy short breathing thing that normally only happens when I’m crying super hard about something and am all sniffly and only take short breaths. I pretty much zoned out for a few minutes and was just in my head and ignoring him talking to me. Eventually I kind of focused on him and trying to calm down and breath. I think I really scared him but I couldn’t stop.
I’ve never done that before. I don’t know why this time was such a worse freak out then all the others. Once I finally calmed down kind of I wanted to just go back to what we were doing before (watching supernatural on netflix). He tried talking about it with me but that made me feel more anxious so I just told him I wanted to do what we were before. We sat down and he turned on the show and at first I was curled up squeezing a blanket while watching the show, but after a few minutes I started feeling better. I kind of think that focusing on the issue made me more anxious but just having the distraction of TV made me able to just get through whatever it was. It felt kind of scary. I hope it doesn’t happen again or that often.
I started off this year with a really awful cold/cough. I have barely been able to exercise. The only exercise I have been able to do is the elliptical. My eating has been a lot more unhealthy than it usually is. I think I weighed myself once at the beginning of the month and I haven’t weighed myself since.
Not knowing how much I weigh but just looking at myself and deciding I like myself has been amazing. I always read about how it’s better to go by your clothes and how you feel instead of how much you weigh, but I have never been able to do that.
I’ll probably not give up the scale completely. At some point I’ll be curious and decide to weigh myself. Not feeling worried about the scale and just eating food and exercising when I can is so nice.
I didn’t make a New Years resolution but I think my resolution will be to continue being the way I am with food exercise and the scale.
Felt kind of blagh in the morning. Decided to run on the treadmill. Watched seeking a friend for the end of the world. Watching a movie while being on the treadmill makes treadmill running a lot better. Walked one minute. Ran twenty nine minutes. Walked one minute. Ran twenty nine minutes. Walked tenish minutes as a cool down at the end. I’m going to try running more consistently. The treadmill really isn’t that bad. I kind of like it.
It might seem kind of sort of inappropriate or weird but I like it. It’s called me in my place. A photographer takes picture of a whole lot of different type of women. There are a bunch of different body types. It’s kind of awesome to see all these people are I think to myself that if they all look awesome then so do I.